I write, mostly about sports. At its best, my writing is engaging, witty, and smart. At its worst, my writing is SMRRRRRGGgggg@$!#$

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A Mariners fan goes looking for love in all the wrong places ...

Jeff Pentland's job, Richie Sexson's career, the fantasy team of anyone who drafted J.J. Putz -- is the singles scene at Safeco Field. The Mariners -- who also live in the basement and rarely score -- are just as unattractive to women. The Hit It Here Cafe, in case you've never noticed it, is where the second deck in right field would be if Safeco had a second deck in right field. Before Griffey arrived, the sexiest part of a Mariners game was the peanut vendors' "Hot Nuts" buttons. A friend of mine found himself sitting next to Janine Turner -- this in the early '90s, when Turner was starring in "Northern Exposure" and dating Mark Grace and being named one of US Weekly magazine's 10 sexiest women; not, as now, appearing in infomercials for "Go Smile" tooth whitener. The way my friend tells it, at some point during the game, Turner fixed her lovely, brown, ex-model eyes on him and asked: "Do you know where a girl can get a hot dog?" The obvious answer is, of course